By Samadhi Yaisha/My daily musings
I invested a lot of time in the pursuit other people’s dreams. I was always pulled by what others wanted, and believed that what I wanted would happen later, but it never did. I used to feel resentment constantly; I thought that if I pleased others first, they would please me, and I felt betrayed when that didn’t happen. I was afraid to lose friends if I dared to say no. I was afraid of others’ opinions instead of accepting mine. Sometimes I didn’t even know what opinions I had, or I considered them unimportant. That way of losing myself in others is codependency. It happened because I had a very deep need of being accepted in a group, which in the human psyche is an equivalent of survival.
My Beloved Life teaches me that the old belief system is just that: a bunch of assumptions that can be changed. They are there because I needed them once. Although I don’t need them anymore, I have continued to use them constantly.
I can choose to think in different things. If the old thought comes back, I can choose to change it for something that works better now. For example: every time I remember that someone did not fulfill my need and I feel angry, unloved or unsupported, I can stop, observe what I am thinking and identify the emotions happening inside of me. What are the unmet needs of that moment I keep remembering? I can write them down, look at them and ask myself: What am I doing to fulfill those needs now? If there wasn’t a human being available to do what I need, how can I do it myself? What do I need to do to help myself instead of surrendering my responsibilities and personal power to others?
Taking care of myself, my emotional, physical, spiritual and psychological health, and meditation, are the best antidotes against codependency.
Today I take care of myself: no one else is responsible for my Life. I am not responsible to manage the lives of adults who are totally capable of taking care of themselves. I can be free and let others be free.
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